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I’ve now unfollowed everybody. This tumblr is essentially going to be in hibernation.

(When I say I’ve unfollowed everyone… tumblr says I’m still following 1 person, but doesn’t show who. There’s a phantom blog about, methinks).

I just found something in my inbox that I barely remembered. 

I had a anon & text post convo with someone a year and a half ago, so I can’t delete because I can’t lose that, and print-screening it doesn’t do it justice.

Because that day was so so so important to me.

But I can’t use this blog because the reminders of it appear and even if they aren’t right infront of me I ‘feel’ them there.

So I think what I’ll do instead is unfollow people, and empty my queue so nothing will post so everyone will know this blog is inactive, but set up a new tumblr account.

The whole point of me wanting to delete was because I need to move on from everything that ever happened, but part of the problem is that the emotions were incomparable, and nothing can change that. And, well, there’s a couple of good memories… and I’d like to keep those.

katariina-pieni replied to your post: *sigh*

I’ll be sad to see you go, but if you feel that it’s the best thing for you, then you should do it. You’ve been a joy to follow! Remember, my ask is always open if you need to talk.

Thank you.

I doubt I’ll quit tumblr completely because, well, it’s mildly addictive, and it gives me somewhere to rant that family/colleagues won’t see.

When I made this one, I set it up before I deleted my old account so I could make sure I followed the necessary people. I’m just not 100% sure whether or not to do that, or to leave completely & then make a new one, & start completely afresh.

Whoever though deleting could be so complicated :-/

*sigh*

Okay.

I might delete tumblr {almost} completely.

As in, go through my archive, print screen the memories that I don’t want to (or more likely, shouldn’t) forget. And then delete all the personal tumblr(s) I have floating around and just make a rugby one.

By holding onto this blog I am holding onto memories. But that’s all they are. They’re an image in my head and a line or two of text on my computer screen. They aren’t an actual physical thing.

I set up this account just under two years ago and then “abandoned it to queue” for almost the entirety of 2012.

By keeping this account open I am merely prolonging the desire to ‘undo’ something which should be so well and truly in the past I barely recall it. I can’t allow myself to stay somewhere that pops up reminders that make me cry out in agony.

I have to be better. It’s ridiculous. I say this every time I delete an account, but it’s true. I first got tumblr in 2009, or something daft, and since then I have just wanted to be better - in any and every way I can manage.

Staying in a place where just a casual scroll through my blog can lead me to something that causes me to cry out in agony is not going to make me better.

I have to be better.

I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.

..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away..

..Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.

David Wong, 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person (via leviodraco)

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